Being amongst your countrymen yet feeling out of place for being the only one of your ethnicity is an interesting predicament.
Feeling Like an Outsider
No one ever assumes I'm Nigerian, so I'm always self-conscious at a Nigerian gathering. People say I look Jamaican, West Indian, Sierra Leonean, Ethiopian, Cameroonian, Somalian...I've heard it all, except Nigerian. When people question your origin all the time and are surprised when you tell them where you're from, you start to view yourself differently.
Sometimes I feel like declaring my origin the minute I step into a Nigerian event to avoid confusion, or tattoo 'Yes, I am Nigerian too' on my forehead. I often feel like an impostor at these gatherings, and I imagine that some people are thinking "What's that Jamaican girl doing here?"
In a couple of churches I've been to (and I've been to a lot both as a worshipper and a Christian media journalist) the Pastor would tell a Yoruba joke or proverb at the pulpit that everyone laughs or nods at except me; or the choir would sing a popular Yoruba song everyone else would sing along to except me. I've even been to a Nigerian comedy show where comedians told their jokes in pidgin and Yoruba.
The 'Are You Nigerian?' Question
I've been asked the question 'Are you Nigerian?' at least once a week since forever, and at least three Nigerian acquaintances I've known were unaware that I was one of them for many years. They assumed that I was West Indian.
The funny thing is that when people want to decipher my origins by asking my name, hearing my English name doesn't help. They then ask for my surname (because most Nigerians despite an English first name usually have a 'native' surname) and my equally English surname doesn't help either.
Some people who asked me these questions leave it there and I thus retain my ethnic ambiguity in their eyes. The majority just ask outright "Are you Nigerian?"
People Treat Me Differently
In certain situations, people would speak Yoruba or pidgin to everyone else in the group I'm with, then turn to me to translate what they've just said or joke that I probably don't understand (I understand Pidgin and a bit of Yoruba).
Or people are more gentle or nicer to me than they would be to a fellow Nigerian. For instance when I go up to be served food at the buffet table at a wedding reception, some of the ladies serving would describe the details of the yam porridge (asaro) or beans (ewa agoyin) they're serving me, assuming I'm new to these foods (I'm not). Or a Nigerian Auntie we don't know would chastise my Nigerian friend for doing something, but won't chastise me for doing the same thing because she doesn't feel familiar enough with me.
When people don't think I'm 'one of them' they are nicer in a detached, polite way, but this just strengthens the invisible barrier between us. And some only become 'real' with me when they find out I'm Nigerian too.
Changing Accents
A few people will be verbally-jousting in pidgin, but when I join in the conversation they respond in a British accent. Or someone would talk to my friend in a relaxed Nigerian-accent, but talk to me in a forced British accent.
Or my conversation with someone would begin with them 'forming' the Queen's English to me, but after I tell them I'm Nigerian too thinking that this should get them to relax, they continue to form because they're not quite at home with me being Nigerian.
The Fulani Ambassador
People often ask me to "say something in Hausa" or they say the Hausa words they know and ask for a translation or a response from me. Some ask me if various stereotypes they've heard about Fulanis are true, and when any Hausa-related issue occurs, they want my thoughts on it.
A couple of Southern Aunties who grew up in the North were delighted when they found out I spoke Hausa, and were happy to speak it again with me. It's always lovely when this happens, and the aunties then make sure to always speak to me in Hausa whenever we meet.
Much to my chagrin though, a few people who have a bit of exposure to Fulanis want to show they know a lot about my people and challenge me on some aspect of my culture. For example:
Them: Isn't the Fulani traditional dress a type of lacey material?
Me: No it's a white, cottony top and wrapper combo with pastel colours at the front.
Them: Are you sure? I swear it's a kind of lacey, covered top that kinda flares at the sleeves...
Me: Nope
Them: I don't think so. Are you really sure?
'Nigerian' means Yoruba
I go to events marked as Nigerian - like the Nigerian carnival in London or a Nollywood film premiere, but usually these events are attended by 85% Yoruba, 10% Igbo and 5% other Southerners. There's even a Yoruba festival in the UK. But I've never heard of an event that celebrates Fulani or Northern culture or ever been to a large Hausa or Fulani gathering that involved more than two families. In my UK experience, being Nigerian means being the only Northerner in a room full of Yorubas.
I enjoy being with my people. There's an easiness and familiarity I appreciate when I'm at such events, and a jovial humour and sense of fun and craziness you wouldn't get anywhere. There's also no wedding like a Nigerian wedding (see my Nigerian Wedding vs British Weddings post)
Yet sometimes I feel acutely aware of my difference: I often don't act, know, understand or feel like everyone else in these places, and for all our kinship I might as well be a white person due to their perception of me and my perception of myself.
Seeing Two Sides
For those that carry clues to their origins in their name, appearance or personality, people have already made up their mind about you before they meet you or the minute they meet you. But my apparent ambiguity means I'm able to note how people respond to me before and after they find out where I'm from.
The majority of White People are indifferent when they find out I'm Nigerian. In fact, many don't even ask unless they have a legitimate reason to. Some express mild surprise because they say I didn't act the way they expected Nigerians to act, and a few have 'the look' of negative pre-judgement quickly pass over their eyes but even then, they successfully continue to act normal.
Nigerians are generally guarded or civil with me to begin with, then when they find out, become friendlier and more comfortable around me. They are also very surprised and ask lost of questions; I've had to recount which State in Nigeria my parents come from, the number of years I've lived in the UK and whether I speak Hausa so many times!
Northerners embrace me and tell me they suspected it when they find out, but on the whole they have no idea I'm Fulani too due to my non-Muslimness.
Other Africans are surprised because they expected me to be a certain way. Some Jamaicans are so sure I'm one of them that they speak Patois to me and feel very comfortable around me, and when they find out I'm Nigerian they are disappointed.
Life as 'the only Fulani in the village' is interesting to say the least!
Sanu Hajia,
ReplyDeleteVery interesting. It just occurred to me, have you thought of translating these blog posts into Hausa and publishing them in book form ? I think it would make an interesting sojourner's narrative addition to Hausa literature.
Just a thought.
This is a great idea, unfortunately I write way better in English than I do in Hausa.
ReplyDeleteDo you know anyone that could help with this? If so I'll be very interested.
Something less dramatic than (but just as effective as) a 'Yes I am Nigerian Too' tattoo can be found on Fulani TMF at
ReplyDeletewww.stylefaktor.at/Shops/
Fulani TMF is the urban wing of the haute couture FULANI label. They have a "Fulani Girl" tank-top that will fit you to a "t"! :)
Any predicament that involves identity is often the truest test of character. The celebrated author Sir VS Naipaul is a case in point.
ReplyDeleteThe expression of his life's outlook -stemming from his identity predicaments [He's from Trinidad & Tobago but descendant from Indian Hindus and has been resident in the UK most all his adult life]- has seen him variously described as misanthropic, racist, irascible, malformed, sexist, bigoted...and those are comments from June 2011 alone! Sir Naipaul appears to be up in arms with most everything about him.
You on the other hand voice a tempered discontent. Which, may be the balanced stance but is only credible if you have (through experience) found a way to reconcile yourself to said discontent. Only time will tell whether, for you, there'll be a tilt toward the more outspoken Sir Naipaul end of the spectrum.
In the unique position you inhabit (provided you tell your story) you are bound to always stand out. That is something Joe-Bloggs-Nigerian (may yearn for but) cannot achieve. So what does that make you? The fly in the ointment? Or the flavour in the soup?
Unfortunately, I don't. I once heard there was an Hausa guy, who published an Hausa language magazine here in London. The man was supposed to be a security officer in one of the London chain stores. Unfortunately, i don't have any details...Why not collate your stuff in English and have someone in Nigeria do the Hausa translation for you, for instance the government owned Gaskiya corporation in Kano ? I gather they are a book publishing outfit who also publish newspapers...I read about them years ago, so don't know if they are still in operation now.
ReplyDelete@Mr Victory, the FULANI label is an interesting irony because its name implies it has links to the Fulani culture/language, but actually has no discernable link to Fulani life and is wholly concerned with Southern Nigerian culture.
ReplyDeleteMaybe Fulanis should sue for false advertising... :)
And Unlike Sir Naipaul, I have zero anger or pain about my predicament. At best it's comical and at worst it's annoying, and I always understand people's reaction to me. There's also a pride to being Fulani-Nigerian that often supercedes any feelings of displacement, and I know where I fit in Nigeria and within my family.
And obviously I am the flavour in the soup!
Thanks Anonymous. I think I'll now collate all my posts like you say and have it ready in case I find someone (or find it in me) to translate.
ReplyDeleteSannu again Hajia,
ReplyDeleteKool...I'll keep an eye out myself just in case. If I do find someone literate in Hausa, I'll keep in touch. Would it matter if it were a Ghanaian Hausa ? Because from what I have read, their accent is quite distinct from Nigerian Hausa and they don't quite get the Nigerian Hausa. I find that difficult to believe though, because the Yorubas in Benin republic have a distinct accent when speaking and distinct spelling when writing from Nigerian Yoruba, but not enough to prevent mutual comprehension generally.
Sai gobe/Sai wata rana...:-)
Lol @ Hajia, not yet!
ReplyDeleteI've noticed that sometimes with Ghanaian Hausas or non-natives, pronounciations both spelt and spoken is different, e.g. shi becomes chi as in shinkafa (rice) becomes chinkafa, or kadan (small) with an implosive 'd' is pronounced with a normal 'd'
But ofcourse I won't turn down any Hausa speaker that's able to translate. I can always adjust where necessary.
Nagode.
:) Well responded! You go girl!...good head on your shoulders...and other similar kudos.
ReplyDeleteRe the label. From their Press (www.fulani.at): "The name FULANI, a tribe in Africa commonly known for their beautiful women, speaks for itself..."
Your call...
@Anyonymous.
ReplyDeleteNigerians generally do understand Ghanians. But would the language be considered as one if there was no mutual intelligibility? The Hausa spoken in Kano is quite different from the one spoken in Zaria and Sokoto. Similarly, the one spoken in Bauchi is quite different from both and the one spoken in Niger, but there IS mutual intelligibility.
In areas around Kebbi and Sokoto up to Niger, they pronounce some words with 'h' instead of 'f' as would be pronounced in Kano.
@Anonymous, thank you.
ReplyDeleteThere are dialectal differences in Yoruba as welll. For instance in Ibadan there is the name for the second of twins "Kehinde" which they pronounce as "COR-YIN-DAY", whereas in Lagos, Abeokuta etc it is pronounced "CARE-YIN-DAY".
The general Yoruba word for thing "Ohun" is pronounced "Ihun" in Abeokuta. There are also variations in the Ondo area, Ijebu etc.
In England, there are differences between the way English is spoken in London, Birmingham, Manchester, Liverpool, Leeds, Sheffield, Newcastle etc. each city and the region around it have got their own distinctive pronounciations, expressions etc, that non-natives may find it unfamiliar and difficult to understand.
In general, I believe every major language spoken over a large geographical area, with a sizable population, will have dialectal/pronunciation differences which reflect these facts.
According to linguists, social groups have got their own "sociolects" to reflect their group(eg doctors using medical jargon; even individual humans have got their own "idiolects", which reflect their own peculiar speech habits.
I personally find variation within the same language very interesting.
I've enjoyed reading your blog. How did I find your blog? I googled, "Hausa Blog". I've been reading blogs for over 10 years and your blog is the first Hausa blog (can I say that?! Hope I'm not being offensive?). We are Ibos but my mum and dad grew up, schooled and married in Jos. They speak fluent Hausa. I used to speak hausa and 3 other Nigerian languages (Ibo, Yoruba and pidgin English, but now, I only can speak Yoruba fluently. The Yorubas are everywhere :)
ReplyDeleteI'm kidding about pidgin English :)
Hi R4, thanks for dropping by! I would think pidgin is an actual language, just like patois or creole right? lol!
ReplyDeleteAnd why would calling mine a hausa blog be offensive? It is what it is :)
Fascinating blog. Posted it on my facebook as I thought other Nigerians need to read this. You are not alone about feeling odd around your own people. I think there are many of us (I am Nigerian and live in NY, migrated from London and I have lived in different states in the US) and whenever I meet Nigerians they never believe I am Nigeria which is so weird to me (oh I wear my hair natural in locks)as Nigeria is made up of sooooooooooooo many different groups of people,and besides most people have not explored/been to all the states in Nigeria, so I dont know how they can tell how all Nigerians look like. I am told I look Jamaican (I guess its the locks) and even in NY carribean people ask me if I am from trinidad. So I am saying all this to say that we should be grateful that we are exposed and are blessed with a uniqueness that makes us truly global citizens of the world ;-)
ReplyDeleteThanks Iyalode. I guess there's a certain Nigerian 'look' people are used to. Oh well. We are who we are right?
ReplyDeleteBTW, I love locks!