In Which I Wade into the Nigerian Anti-Gay Law Debate

Nigeria has made herself the enemy of the West by banning same-sex marriage, same-sex unions and same-sex associations, with law-breakers facing 14 years in jail.

CNN (International) - Nigeria's premier news channel broadcasting on every, and I mean every, flat screen TV in every bank, shop, office and public area in Abuja 24/7- is particularly pissed about it.

I noticed how much CNN had been pushing the pro-gay agenda prior to this law. One report I remember was when famously gay singer Elton John and famously gay tennis star Billie Jean King spoke to Christianne Amanpour about the recent brouhaha over Russia's anti-gay stance during the Winter Olympics this year.

Will there ever by a Gay Marriage in Nigeria?

And of course CNN's Anderson Cooper and Don Lemon are gay (and Becky Anderson maybe? I always though she was gay. I like to think my gay-dar is strong.) I'm pretty sure they and probably the gay/lesbian CNN producers make sure to highlight injustices against homosexuals around the world and promote gay rights advances wherever it occurs.

Western movies, TV shows and music have also being promoting homosexuality as a 'normal thing,' with gay dads and their adopted daughter on comedy Modern Family and almost every other student coming out as gay in high school musical comedy Glee.

So when Nigeria's President Goodluck Jonathan came riding rough-shod over the Western media’s delicately-handled ‘Operation re-educate the world about homosexuality’ PR exercise, by passing the 'anti-gay' bill into law earlier this month, the West was livid. They threatened to withhold their aid, spoke strongly against the law calling it a violation of human rights, and Canada even cancelled Jonathan's visit to the country in protest.

CNN led the charge against Nigeria. I'm sure the channel is aware of its huge following here as the most watched and most trusted news station in the country, way ahead of the supposed national news channel NTA, which nobody watches, including me, because the picture quality and sound harkens back to the 1970s and the content is drab and mostly government-sponsored.

Nigerians also invest a huge amount to advertise on CNN International. You would think it was a national station the way Nigerian-sponsored adverts for mobile phone networks like Glo, MTN and Etisalat ,and random door and furniture stores advertise heavily on the station, and I hear these ads are not cheap. The CNN (International ) we watch here is also shown in the UK and other English-speaking African countries (America has its own version), but 50% of the adverts are Nigerian.

Plus almost every other personality on the channel's African Voices is Nigerian. Talk about dominance!

So CNN used its popularity in the country to make a point and ran extended news features decrying Nigeria's latest law, with breathlessly apoplectic journalists reporting from Lagos on the various gay-rights abuses they'd heard about. Christianne Amanpour even interviewed Bisi Alimi, the first man to come out on national TV in Nigeria, following which he had to seek asylum in Britain. He spoke passionately and eloquently on the issue; if I was gay I would have been so proud of him as the spokesman for Nigerian gays.

Bisi Alimi, Nigeria's first man to declare himself gay on TV, on CNN a few days ago

As the debates rage on, if you’re in Nigeria you’re in one of these four camps: 

1. Gays and Gay-lovers: Yes! At last, the gays and lesbians have a voice! Roll on happy gay marriages across the nation and civil rights for gay people everywhere! Today debates, tomorrow full acceptance, maybe even a gay President!

2. The Homophobic Majority: God bless Jonathan for putting those nasty gays in their place! If I catch any of those dirty men ehn, I will...Hmm. Imagine leaving the luscious beauty of a woman and handling the nether regions of my fellow man? Tufiakwa! Abeg, if they even dare to protest I will be the first in line to beat those men-chasers. Imagine!

3. The Ignorant Minority: Wait, there are gay people in Nigeria? Since when? I thought it was only a white man’s disease. Wonders shall never end...

4. The Casual Observers: Wow, all this talk about gayness. I don’t really care if they want to bum each other, that’s their prerogative. They want to marry too? Umm, OK, but just NIMBY (Not in my back yard) please.

The emerging voices of Group 1 loudly drowned out by the distaste of Group 2 has taken over the airwaves, with nary a voice from Group 4 even acknowledged.

Group 3 were previously in the dark about matters of same-sex relationships thanks to the culture of ‘don’t ask don’t tell’ prevalent in Nigeria, and only came across images of homosexuality on Western TV, hence its association with white people. (Which is naive of course, because there have always been homosexuals all across Nigeria - I hear the North plays a major role in this scene too - and it's an open secret that some top politicians are men who like to sleep with other men for homosexual/political/spiritual/financial reasons *cough cough*)

I am firmly in Group 4, whereby I am distinctly nonchalant about the whole discussion. As a non-homosexual with no ties to homosexuals and a balanced view of the Bible, I am blasé about the issue.

I’ve had friends that were gay, and I've read testimonials written by secretly gay Christians who are completely tortured by their desire for the same sex and have prayed, fasted and had counselling to dispel it, some even married and had children, but still they can’t shake it off. If they could take a pill and become heterosexual tomorrow, they would do it in an instant. They often question God in tears asking him why He would inflict them with such a reprehensible affliction.

So I’m sympathetic to their plight, and the desire for those who are happy to be gay to live without discrimination. But I'm concerned about their growing confidence and demand for not only acceptance, but full immersion into the mainstream and for their lifestyle to be accepted as alternative rather than deviant.
Lawmakers used the law to say: “No thanks. The West can legalise homosexuality and go to hell in a hand-basket if it wants, but as for we Nigerians and our country, we will serve the Lord (and punish those homos with their anal activities).”


Africans in general are vehemently anti-gay. It's in their blood. The African man that is pro-gay has either spent some time abroad, is well-read and well-versed in Western culture, or is gay himself (much to his own initial horror and shame probably.) But there are also men who tick all three boxes but who remain outwardly homophobic and inwardly tormented.


Then there are small pockets of Nigerian intellectuals and free-thinkers who argue for the rights of homosexuals in their small enclaves of enlightenment. They have been vocal on Twitter and I've also conversed with a few. They are the well-read, often (but not always) foreign-educated young idealists who are embarrassed by the hate spewed against homosexuals by their fellow countrymen, and often regard such homophobes as inadequately-educated religious zealots.

But Jesus never said a thing about homosexuals. Not one thing. He spoke against greed, pride, the love of money and adultery (all of which occur in spades in Nigeria and around the world), but not a jot about gays, which leads me to believe that in heaven's assessment of sin, homosexuality is not number one. Besides, it was pride that got Satan thrown out of heaven, not homosexuality.

But I do believe that being gay is an unnatural aspect of humanity; a glitch in the matrix, a defect in nature. I compared being born gay to being born without an arm once, and somebody took offence. All humans need eyes and all men and women were given sex organs that compliment each other to enable procreation and pleasure; some are born without eyes, and some are born gay.

To put it in another (more crude) way, if all was well with homosexuality sexually-speaking, why would gay men still need 'a hole' and lesbians an 'artificial penis' to satisfy? The normal way works best after all right?

Though some that are born gay (there are children as young as nine who tell their parents they're gay, and gay adults say they've been aware of their sexual orientation for as long as they can remember), but others become gay following homosexual abuse by the same sex in their childhood. I also believe there is a spirit of homosexuality that can rest on some families, i.e. the issue of the man who has three daughters and two of them are lesbians. I was like, wow, in one family? That's got to be a spiritual thing.

So I have a little understanding of the plight of gay people but a distaste for their demands. They are not normal in the full sense of the word, and no I would not want my child to be gay, simply because I wish for my children success, marriage, family and normalcy. And I want grandchildren the old-fashioned way. I don't want my child to be different all their lives or to be ashamed to face God because they feel innately inadequate.

What I don't have is hate for gay people. Why should I hate them simply because they are gay? I've known some lovely gay people, and they are often highly intelligent and hugely hilarious. What they do in their house is their business, but I don't want them to push their agenda or force me to accept their lifestyle as good and pleasing, because I believe it's still wrong to mate with your fellow sex. It's not normal. But if you're gay, it's absolutely fine with me. 

A gay acquaintance and I once quite happily co-existed in a plain of mutual unspoken disapproval about something hugely important to us: he disapproved of my faith, and I of his homosexuality. As long as we didn't go there we got on just fine. I would, for instance, watch a Gay Rights march with some interest, but not join in or cheer. But if one of the marchers got hurt in any ensuing violence, I would call for help and tend to them. I don't support what they do but I support their right to live, work and be.

And I believe there are Nigerians out there who are also viewing these hot debates with a pinch of salt. The world will not end if gays got married, but we don’t want to see them canoodling in the back-row at the cinemas either. The law has come, good, if it is repealed tomorrow, fine.

Recently I had dinner with a group of ex-pats and other returnees to Nigeria, and one of the women, upon hearing I was Fulani, asked me if the Fulani men she's seen dressed flamboyantly in tight, colourful tops and trousers, with their thin waists, long hair, pretty eyes enhanced with eyeliner and delicate ways are gay. I remember asking the same question myself when I came across a group of similarly-dandified Fulani young men. I am told they're not gay, they just like to dress that way. Fine. Odd, but fine.

They are also not, as far as I know, yan daudus, which are effeminate men from the North who dress like women and are mostly gay. No, this class of Fulani men just like to dress prettily, that's all.

So as a card-carrying member of the Casual Observers Group, I declare that nobody should be lynched or beaten or insulted or discriminated against for being gay, but homosexuals should also temper their demand for acceptance with sensitivity: not everyone likes what you do, so if you must, do it quietly and don’t make a scene.

That is all.

Yearning for Christmas Spirit in Abuja

This year, come December 25th, Christmas will happen, but not as I know it. In fact Christmas in Abuja is pretty much exactly like any other day, except for the knowledge within that it is Christmas, and perhaps the larger than usual presence of family and friends around, and extra helpings of Jollof rice and fried goat meat.

Christmas Nostalgia

I was supposed to return to England this December, but sadly, a perfect storm of disappointments means I'll be spending my second Christmas in Nigeria. My first was in 2011 when the novelty of heat and sunshine on Christmas Day made it exciting, and a lovely picnic at Millennium Park and a visit to Jos on Boxing Day made for a lovely time.

I was back to London for Christmas 2012, where I gained a new-found love and appreciation for the English version of the occasion, and this year I yearn for that again. This is also because Abuja as a city is absent of any discernible Christmas spirit. There are feeble attempts here and there at marking the occasion, with lights and Christmas trees decorating random shops and homes, and even a snowman display at Silverbird in Abuja, but it all rings false, because there's lack of a national conviction about how to celebrate the event in a Nigerian way.

Snow scene at Silverbird Galleria, Abuja

I've spent Christmas in America and Spain and they all add their own distinct flavours to the Western concept of Christmas (in Spain there's a greater emphasis on the Three Wise Men with festivals and processions celebrating them). But what I see in Abuja are half-hearted attempts at imitating the Western idea of Christmas, with hollow, misunderstood efforts at manufacturing an atmosphere that doesn't fit the region, and attempts to ignite a collective feeling that just isn't there.

The Christmas traditions of particular Nigerians seems to only be exhibited in towns and villages away from the capital, where cattle is slaughtered and the roasted/fried meat is shared out, families and well-wishers gather and rice is the grain of the season. My parents and older relatives speak fondly of their childhood memories of Christmas in Nigeria, but such festivities are harder to replicate in Abuja, a city of wealth-seeking immigrants from other parts of Nigeria who arrive to the city called 'No Man's Land' to work, leaving their traditions and extended families behind in their native state or village.

I've downloaded Christmas carols to listen to and pore over pictures of my younger siblings, nieces and nephews in their various nativity plays to help stem my Christmas homesickness. I could kiss the people behind the BET channel on DSTV for allowing those in Africa access to the British TV adverts they run, which at this time is on Yuletide overload. I'm sure I'm also boring the people around me with "at Christmas in London, we usually..." observations. I'm rarely usually homesick, but this year, at this time, I miss the UK.

Here's the Christmas I'm used to:

One month before Christmas: Shops start stocking Christmas products, much to the chagrin of some newspapers who splash pictures of the too-eager retailers. The nation is abuzz with conversations about Christmas parties, Christmas holidays and 'Where are you spending Christmas?' questions as the countdown to the day begins, with the growing frenzy of 'Only 32 days left to Christmas' and 'Only 28 shopping days left!' all over the streets and the media. It's already pretty freezing outside, and TV guides and television adverts start advertising their special Christmas programming.

On the radio, Christmas carols start playing and Christmas controversies, events and news are discussed, and kids in schools all over the country start their Christmas carol evenings and Nativity plays, where school children dress up as Mary, Joseph, shepherds, sheep and the inn-keeper to recreate the birth of Jesus in their own cute, hilarious and heart-melting ways.

12 Days before Christmas: You've handed out Christmas cards to colleagues at work, having purchased either the Bumper Value Packs of 20 or 50 to give out en masse (you buy a few individual, more expensive ones from Clinton's to give to 'Special people'). You've smirked at the the usual jokes about kissing underneath the mistletoe sprigs hanging over the doors, and repeated the story of where you'll be spending Christmas (at home with the family) dozens of times. There's a Christmas tree with fake gifts underneath and other decorations in the office, and Christmas-related emails and discussions occur.

Bumper Christmas Cards

Office Christmas Party
The Secret Santa gift-giving has yielded much laughter, appreciation and gossip, and the Christmas party has either happened or is about to happen, either in the office specially decorated for the occasion or in a swanky location. There's usually lots of wine, colleagues looking slightly unfamiliar in fancier clothes, a Christmas sit-down dinner/lunch; Abba, Christmas carols and other feel-good music afterwards and merriment or embarrassment ensuing depending on how drunk some colleagues become.

Christmas cards: With the usual designs of the nativity, Father Christmas, Reindeer, red-breasted Robins, snow-covered cottages and Holly and Ivy

Stores and businesses across the country put up their Christmas opening times and the Royal Mail announces it's last posting date. Public transport companies release their Christmas service times, and carols and Christmas-tinged announcements are heard through the tannoy systems in tube and train stations. Billboards and signs all wish everyone a Merry Christmas, with 'Victoria Station wishes you a Merry Christmas' and similar messages scrolling across the electronic timetable system in stations.

Christmas Shopping
Every business relays a Christmas message to its customers and clients and every store you go into on the high street plays Christmas carols, and there are lights, trees and decorations inside the majority. Signs advertising 'Christmas sales or Special Discounts abound, all designed with Christmas iconography. Price tags, shopping bags and store receipts have been re-designed for the holidays and red and green is the colour of the season and is worn by people, animals and inanimate objects. Christmas accessories, advent calendars and sections for Christmas presents For Mum, For Dad, For that Special Someone and gift wrapping sections spring up in stores, with sales girls wearing the ubiquitous red woolly hat with white furry trimming and bobble.

Christmas deocorations outside Boots in London's Oxford Street

Everybody looks forward to the Christmas and New Year sales, and tons of Christmas wrapping paper depicting seasonal imagery is bought at 'Two for Three' or 'Buy one get one free' discounts. People rush around getting presents for family and friends before the shops sell out or shut, although stores open till late for the holiday season. Things are cheaper or more expensive for Christmas, but either way there's a feeling of rush and capitalism-inspired sentiment in action.

Christmas inside stores

Christmas in the Media
Every other Television programme is a Christmas Special or Celebrity Christmas Special of the usual show, and the Channel icons are festively-decorated and TV presenters wear Christmas hats and allude to other Christmas paraphernalia, clichés and stereotypes (Scrooge, Tiny Tim etc). Billboards also advertise Christmas deals, events and products, and on TV, print and radio adverts for Christmas food and gift ideas are everywhere, with advertisers adapting well-known carols and jingling bells to suit their brands' message. The light jingling of the Christmas bells becomes the soundtrack of the season.

My favourite Christmas TV advert song is by Coca Cola, with the lyrics: "Holidays are coming, Holidays are coming, watch out, look around, something's coming, coming to town, Lalalalala...tis the season it's always the real thing, always Coca Cola." I look forward to it every Christmas.

Holidays are coming...my favourite Christmas advert by Coca Cola

Newspapers and magazines bring out their Christmas editions packed with Christmas-themed programming, articles, features, news, coupons and adverts, and at the theatre, Pantomimes take over with festive adaptations of classic fairy tales.

Christmas Edition of Radio Times TV Guide

Family film classics like Mary Poppins and It's a Wonderful Life start showing on TV, including animated favourites like The Snowman and Wallace and Grommit. Christmas songs are heard everywhere, one of the favourites being Mariah Carey's All I Want For Christmas. Music artists release Christmas albums and singles, and the Christmas Number one in the Pop Charts receives much media attention.

Christmas Lights
The switching on of the Christmas lights in Oxford Street by the biggest celebrity of the moment is a major event and crowds gather to count-down to the moment the sky is colourfully illuminated with ever more elaborate neon lighting, and the scene is replicated in city centres across the country. 

 

 

The lights in Oxford Street 

 

Christmas lights are put up in almost every home, with the media getting excited about 'The Most Lit-up Street in Britain' or 'The Man who Spent 30, 000 pounds on Christmas Decorations.' The shorter days and longer nights are illuminated with twinkling, neon Christmas lights, which light up the houses in many areas. Some houses have elaborate displays complete with fake snow and a Father Christmas mannequin riding a sledge fixed on the roof, to simple lights with a Christmas wreath hung on the door.

A house lit up for Christmas

 

Carol singers (is that Father Christmas joining in?)

Christmas Carols
Churches around the country hold Christingle and special carol services, and listening to choirs singing Handel's Messiah in a cathedral in London is my favourite thing to do, along with going to numerous carol by candlelight services, where mince pies and mulled wine is served afterwards. Since I learnt dozens of carols in Primary school for various nativities and Christmas choir events, most of them are stuck in my head, and repeated listens every Christmas further embeds them into my memory. My favourites include 'O Little Town of Bethlehem' 'Once in Royal David's City' and 'Hark the Herald Angels Sing'. But I love them all really; the power and depth of the words, the distinct melodies and the sanctity of what they represent; singing them en masse becomes a spiritual experience.

 

My Favourite

Christmas carol singers gather outside many train and tube stations to sing carols for charity, and men and women dressed in Santa outfits collect money for their charities, wishing you a merry Christmas as you drop a coin in their coin-collectors.

Christmas Traditions
'Ho Ho Ho' and 'Merry Christmas' are the most used phrase this season. There are also visits to Santa's Grotto hosted by various department stores, ice skating, the brilliant Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park and various Christmas markets and fairs. Chestnuts roasted on a semi-open fire by the road sides are sold on high streets, and Christmas-only drinks like egg-nog and mulled wine appear.

Wrapped up in all this is the chill of December, meaning coats, boots, scarves, gloves and woolly hats are necessities. Although it rarely snows on Christmas Day, there's often snow before or after. A fireplace, heaters, hot water bottles and cups of tea keep you warm inside the house.

Christmas Day: Some go to church in the morning, but almost everyone begins the day very early when everyone, still in their pyjamas, excitedly open their presents that have been waiting under the Christmas tree for days. For some, this is the best part about Christmas.

Oh Christmas Tree Oh Christmas Tree!

After everyone gets dressed, Christmas lunch is laid on a table decorated with special crockery, Christmas table-cloth and Christmas crackers. There's turkey, roast potatoes, stuffing, gravy, brussel sprouts and other vegetables (in our house we also have jollof rice, fried rice and chicken) with Christmas pudding, Christmas cake, mince pies, ice-cream and custard for dessert. Large tins of Celebration or Quality Street chocolates are also quaffed, the Christmas crackers are pulled apart (Marks and Spencer's make the best), the little gifts that come out of it scrutinized, the jokes are read out and the paper hats worn on the head - the one day in the year when everyone happily wears flimsy paper hats around the table.

Christmas Lunch

Photos are taken, songs are sung, and the big Christmas movie plays on TV, as does the Queen's Christmas Speech which everyone tunes if for at around 3pm. Then some take naps, others plays games and make Christmas visits and phone calls, text messages and emails wishing the receiver a Merry Christmas. Tomorrow at boxing day the leftovers of the feast will be eaten, the gifts further explored, more TV will be watched and trips to shopping centres with friends to explore the Boxing Day sales will be made to spend the Christmas money you received.

Christmas Feeling
The usual activities - tinged with sadness if loved ones are missing, or excitement if new additions are present - also adds to the uniqueness of the occasion, but apart from all the activities, there's a Christmas glow, a warm fuzziness illuminated by neon lights, a heightened excitement, a feeling that is hard to express and even harder to manufacture outside of the season.

There's the cosiness and the coming together of family mixed in with the anticipation of gifts and frantic preparations for the day; the buying, wrapping and labelling of presents and writing in cards, and the buying, storing, preparing and eating of the mountains of food. You become soaked in Christmas, it's all around you and  permeates almost every aspect of normal life, until it is over and the new Year comes round.

However, the reason for the season, the birth of Jesus Christ, is often lost amongst the presents and turkey and tree, much to the consternation of Christians everywhere. But I think the fact that the occasion is still so well observed, and an emphasis is placed on family, love, sharing and giving marks the original event well enough.

The reason for the season: The birth of Jesus Christ

Christmas is an occasion, but it's also an emotion fuelled by long-held traditions, national events and the anticipation and excitement that surrounds it.

I shall miss all that this year.

Religion in Nigeria: God vs Money

Writing about religion can be a touchy subject, but it's too all-encompassing in Nigeria to ignore. I’ll focus more on Christianity because it’s what I'm most familiar with.

Religion and National Identity

OK, so in Nigeria, there is no such thing as being an atheist. You’re either a Christian or a Muslim. You may have back-slidded or are no longer active in the religion you were brought up in, but everyone identifies with one faith or the other. When it’s time to marry you choose a Church or Mosque, and when asked what religion you are (if it isn't obvious by your name, appearance or tribe) you know which one of the two to answer.

Atheism is a Western construct born of contentment and too much leisure time to contemplate unknowable things. But many Nigerians are still trying to make ends meet and the belief in God consoles in the face of hardship. Unbelief is an expensive luxury. Yet even the wealthy fully retain their religious identity and take pride in contributing gifts to their church/mosque and publically thank God for all their wealth (no matter how ill-gotten it is). It doesn't occur to us to question if there is a God, because there’s hardly an arena from which He is absent.

From the Senate to Aso Rock, Christian and Muslim prayers are said every morning and politicians sprinkle their speeches with scripture. The country’s first lady gave a public testimony in the Presidential Villa’s chapel recently thanking God for keeping her alive through her illness, and the President is often filmed in church services. He was once pictured kneeling in front of a prominent pastor who prayed for him.

President Goodluck Jonathan kneeling in front of Pastor Adeboye who is praying for him 

The division between Church and State is both impossible and undesirable and the lines are often blurred, with pastors running for President and church ministers moonlighting as government ministers.

Religion also strongly permeates the workplace. I was shocked to learn that you had to not only state your date of birth, country of origin and marital status prominently on your CV, but your religion also. Coming from the UK where such personal details are expressly banned so as to avoid discrimination, it was alarming.

Companies have churches and mosques in their premises and Muslims take time off to pray during the day. During Ramadan (the Muslim month of fasting) last year, Nigeria’s (and the world’s) richest Black man Aliko Dangote – a Muslim – donated bags of his company’s rice, sugar and spaghetti to all the Muslims in my company. It’s normal to invite your boss to your church and have lengthy, passionate discussions about spirituality with your colleagues.

Businesses have names like ‘Grace Abounding General Store’ or  ‘God’s Favour Hairdressers’ and many vehicles have religious inscriptions on them: ‘With God Nothing is Impossible,’ ‘My God can Move Mountains.’ Religion is present at every birth, marriage and funeral, and at an open air garden I visited where people gather to drink alcohol and watch live entertainment on a stage, a group of dancers performed to popular Church songs and the MC punctuated his announcements with religious phrases as freely as if he was at the pulpit. 

Religious phrases seep into daily conversations: 

How’s work? Oh, we thank God. 

Wow, you really wrote this great article? Yes, Glory to God.  

Will you come tomorrow? Yes, by God’s Grace.

The Nigerian national football team pray together before and after every match, football fans call radio stations imploring God to help the teams they support, thank God when their team wins and consider how “God was humbling the proud” when they lose.

In Nollywood and Kannywood movies, much of the storyline is religion-centred and the credits always include variations of the phrase ‘To God be the Glory’. Musicians talk about their faith on Twitter, comedians espouse on the hilarities of religion in their acts and televangelists take over the airwaves every Sunday, with lengthy Christian and Muslim sermons broadcasted during special national events. In interviews, everyone from politicians to celebrities brim over with praise to their God.

Religion isn’t a private hobby like in the UK, where the former Prime Minister Tony Blair famously said ‘We don’t do God.’ Here God is an ever-present reality and everyone knows Him personally.

Serving Two Masters

Yet I’ve never lived in a city where the pursuit of money is an obsession. Money not only guarantees you respect, better services and dignity, it also opens doors that merit and excellence cannot. Money is king and you’re nothing without it. This fresh, hot desire for wealth clashes with the fervent Christianity in that the faithful are supposed to uphold higher virtues like joy, peace, goodness, generosity and humility, yet all everyone prays for is for more money.

Prosperity preachers are drawing millions of people (and money) to their churches with promises that God will bless their congregation, not with gifts or fruits of the spirit, but with more money, houses and cars. One prominent preacher owns four private jets and a for-profit university that most of his worshippers cannot afford, and a church I went to surprised the Pastor with the gift of a brand new Jeep, and everyone walked out of the church to gather around the car, taking pictures and praising God whilst the Pastor joyfully prayed for the donors and encouraged everyone to have faith so that theirs will come soon.

Pastor Oyedepo in one of his four Private Jets worth N4.5 billion ($30 million) 

Instead of flaunting ostentatious wealth that’s out of step with the majority of the country, aren’t Christians supposed to be spiritual and content like Jesus was and be able to identify with the poor? But how can a jet-owning, Gucci-wearing, Bahamas-holidaying, Lexus-driving ‘Man of God’ relate with a tomato-seller?

Except for special occasions, I’ve stopped going to church here. The materialism was too much for me. Sure I strive to earn more and be more, but I hate seeing the flagrant exaltation of money in the pulpit, where those that pay tithes are venerated by the Pastor, and I don’t want to listen to a sermon about ‘How to Succeed in Business’. There are business seminars for that. I came to church to feed my spirit not bolster my pocket.

However, Pastors are only giving people what they want. Everyone wants to be rich and hear that ‘This is your month of Increase.’ Then there is the transactional nature of it all: If you sow seeds of cash you reap material rewards, in effect, pay the pastor and God will pay you. As if God’s only gift to a Christian is riches. 

After all, what does it profit a man to gain the whole world but lose his soul?

The Bible says that you cannot serve both God and Money, but in Nigeria every knee bows to both.

Witches, Charms and all that Jazz

In Africa, God and his angels exist as much as the devil and his demons. The belief in spirits and witchcraft has not being totally eradicated by organised religion, and Juju or Jazz is real for Nigerian Christians and Muslims. Even the churches have deliverance services for repentant witches and hold prayers to break generational curses.

The influence and effects of dark arts is common knowledge and incidents of bewitchment and spells are spoken of as casually as discussions about the weather.

I've heard all kinds of stories from people and the media, of live animals buried in front of shops to lure customers in; people engaging in spells to close someone’s womb, win someone’s heart or kill a rival; children and adults dismembered for ‘money rituals;’ a secret room housing a human head that vomits an unending supply of money, and tribes were the dead walk themselves to their graves.

One newspaper reported on an old couple who were left terrified one night when a naked woman fell from the ceiling unto their beds, despite the room and house been locked. The woman confessed to the police that she was a witch flying to India but got lost.

What am I to do with such stories, told by otherwise sane people? I know Lucifer and his angels are real enough, but he seems really busy in Nigeria. Witchcraft disappeared from England centuries ago, and it’s like the devil relocated to Africa, or just became more adept at subterfuge in advanced societies but takes off his disguise and runs free in Nigeria.

Religion as a National Pacifier

I do think though, that religion weakens the resolve for justice. A doctor breaks the leg of a newborn whilst pulling it out of the womb carelessly, but the new parents and their relatives are against ruffling feathers and say, “Thank God the baby is healthy, we’ll leave everything else in the hands of God.” Why not sue or complain so that the incompetent medic is prevented from causing further harm to other innocent babies, and so the hospital can compensate the family for the extra medical bills? Preventable misfortunes and accidents are accepted without complaint because ‘God is in control’ and people remain passive, resigning themselves to poverty caused by governmental ineptitude. ‘Suffering and smiling’ as Fela sings.

A church in Abuja, Nigeria

That Nigerians topped an international poll as the happiest people on earth is both laudable and sad, because most don’t have a lot to smile about, but the comfort and resolve they get from God fortifies them and keeps their disposition cheerful.

If the famous sociologist Karl Marx was right and religion is the opium of the people, then Nigerians are high on their addiction, much to the satisfaction of the ruling elite. The collective national crutch that is religion quells revolution, maintains the status quo, and keeps everyone’s mind on personal advancement. Money is the answer to every prayer.

Nigeria is a country where God reigns, but it is the Almighty Naira that rules.

My Sad Thoughts After Fulani Gunmen Kill Hundreds

Being a member of a people, and having your identity linked to a tribe is fantastic when all is well and you are a source of curiosity and a fountain of knowledge and insight to many worldwide, as has been my experience as a rare Fulani blogger.

It is wonderful when I receive compliments, when others tell of their fine memories and experiences of my people, and when Fulanis from all around Africa contact me in a show of kinship. I am pleased when people tell me that I am the first Fulani person they have had a conversation with and that they find us fascinating. I am happy when some say that after meeting me, they are convinced that the saying that all my people's women are beautiful is true, and I am thrilled when women remark on how lovely and soft my natural hair is due to my Fulani genes.

I gladly lap up these compliments and hold my head up high, feeling privileged to be part of such a unique heritage.

So what am I to do, when news reports emerged last weekend that 100 Fulani gunmen dressed in army camouflage and bullet-proof vests descended on a number of neighbouring villages in Jos, Nigeria to massacre the unsuspecting inhabitants at dawn in co-ordinated attacks that killed hundreds?

The suspected herdsmen burnt down many houses, and in one Pastor's residence 50 corpses burnt beyond recognition were found as the victims had gathered there to hide from the invading herdsmen, who then surrounded the house and set it on fire, with some gunmen standing at the door shooting down those who tried to escape.

Then, during the mass funeral of some of the victims attended by lots of people including senators, the gunmen returned and opened fire on the mourners, killing two of the senators and many others. Everyone fled, leaving over 100 corpses unburied.

Mass burials following the gun attacks in Jos

What am I to do with the outrage, shame, anger, disbelief, pain and embarrassment I feel upon hearing these reports? Whether the perpetrators where Fulani or not, it is still widely believed, reported and repeated - by all Nigerians from Politicians making heartfelt speeches in the National Assembly of outrage imploring the President to do something about these terrorists, to street traders that shake their heads in disgust - that they were.

Even at my office, discussions inevitably turned to these atrocities and my colleagues voiced their anger and despair at the callousness of the 'Fulani Gunmen' crimes. And much to my horror (although I expected it) now and again someone would turn to me and say "Well, what do you think of your people now?" or "My dear, these are your people o!" or "Do you know why they did this?"

My answer was always "I really don't know what to say. I'm trying to keep a low profile." To which someone scoffed, stating "You keeping a low profile about your Fulaniness is like a homosexual wearing tight, loud clothing trying to keep a low profile at an anti-gay rally."

I got the point. Although no hate was directed at me, my link with the current enemy of the nation was obvious. I kept my head down and felt hot throughout the heated debate that day. I kept praying for the discussion to be over already and hoped that no one would say something along the lines of "All Fulanis are wicked!" or "I hate Fulanis." Thankfully no one did.

At another discussion of the killings with some friends, there were comments thrown around like "these Fulanis are so dangerous" and "Can you believe they can do such a thing? Over what, cows?" I just kept quiet.

Although I wouldn't call what I feel shame, it was certainly embarrassment and sadness. Fulani herdsmen have been known in the past for acts of violence against town-dwellers whose land their cattle grazed on. It was said that the herders allowed their cows to trample on and devour other people's land and crops and got into fierce arguments when challenged. It was also said that if you mistakenly kill one of their cows they would exact terrible revenge on you, and often tried to claim land that wasn't theirs.

But now the Fulanis will be known  for something exceptionally worse: mass murder. Some even call the coordinated attacks in Jos genocide, as it affected villages inhabited by a particular tribe.

Whoa.

The Fulani Gunmen were eventually linked to Boko Haram, the Islamic sect that had been terrorising much of Northern Nigeria. However, some say that the gunmen, and indeed many Boko Haram members, are not Nigerians at all but men from Niger and other surrounding African countries who were recruited into Boko Haram.

I don't know.

All I know is that if it indeed was Fulani men that did this, then they have no only sullied the reputation of a whole tribe but also added to the current instability and fear that others have of Nigeria. They are helping to make our country a no-go area and are making one of the more beautiful parts of Nigeria - Jos- a nightmare for its inhabitants, who now have to endure crippling curfews, blocked roads and military check-points everywhere. They have also created a whole load of widows and orphans.

Following these recent atrocities, I'm tempted to keep a low-profile. I never went around boasting about my heritage in the first place, but until all this blows over, I will no longer be so happy to say that I am Fulani.

My Travels Across Nigeria

So, I've ventured outside Abuja to three other states. Below is my impression of each:

JOS
My favourite place so far. The four-hour journey there was full of potholes on the road, vistas of greenery, small rickety houses and tables selling oranges etc on the much of the road sides. We'll reach certain intersections and be greeted by a cackle of snack sellers, mostly kids selling water, plantain chips, sesame-seed cakes and roasted corn. There were also lots of beautiful stretches of trees, farms,valleys and mountains. Jos gets its famous cold weather because of its highlands location and yep, it really was as cold as I was told. Coming from London, everyone expected me to acclimatise easily to the drop in temperature, but funnily enough I was the only one needing to wear a hooded sweatshirt and was sneezing and blowing my nose throughout!

I went to Jos for Easter and hung out with friends, friends of friends and family and ate lots of chicken! A friend owned a cake shop which I loved, and even felt a bit of nostalgia from reading a cake magazine from the UK that the shop subscribed to. I also visited a couple of bakeries and was happy to note that things are so much cheaper in Jos, in fact,any where outside the FCT (Abuja) prices are lower.

On the whole Jos is calmer and more small-towney than Abuja, the people are friendlier and the cool air cools tempers giving a more genial atmosphere. It is also more rocky, and at one point we drove up a narrow, rocky road that felt like mountain-climbing on four wheels.

Some of the mountains that framed our journey to Jos

Unfortunately Jos is also known for a lot of bomb attacks by the Islamic sect Boko Haram. And although 'Josians' didn't obsess about this and went about their daily business normally, you could tell something was up because of the police check-points dotted about the place, where uniformed, armoured men carrying Kalashnikovs (!) would stand behind an erected barrier in the middle of the road so you're obliged to stop your car. You'll then have to put on your car light if it's night-time, and they'll then walk over and greet you calmly, scrutinise you and the other passengers in the car and ask to check your boot. Sometimes they'll also ask for 'a little something' which sometimes we didn't mind giving out, as they spend the whole day in the sun wearing heavy armour and were usually quite jokey with drivers, unless you 'look suspicious' of course, in which case they'd ask you to pull over to the side of the road.

Another reminder that this beautiful state is not altogether peaceful was the fact that some friends and I watched an Arsenal football match in a large bar with huge screens when I was there, which was great fun. Then later I heard that a similar establishment in Jos was bombed a few days ago as football fans exited after watching a match. That could have been us!

Many churches in Jos have also been bombed, especially at special Christian occasions like Christmas, so I was a little nervous when I went to a church in Jos on Easter Sunday. But the security was high and although inconvenient, we appreciated it: we couldn't drive right up to the church but had to park a fair distance away,  were searched on our way in and women were encouraged to leave large handbags at home. There were also boulders on the road leading up to the church. But the church building was beautiful, as was the service, and there were at least six Caucasian faces dotted around (which is a lot in one place in Nigeria) wearing native Ankara. I guess the cool weather really does attract more Westerners.

I went to Jos a second time for a wedding in a Catholic church, and the reception was held outdoors amongst tall trees at the famous Wild Life Park, which once housed lions, elephants etc (apparently many of these wild animals are native in Nigeria,who knew?) but is now an events centre:

Outdoor wedding reception in Jos

KADUNA
I returned to the state I had heard so much about and seen so many pictures of, and I foolishly thought I would recognise some things and maybe get a sense of deja vu or familiar feeling, but nope. Nothing. Although we were only there for one day and one night for a wedding and I didn't get a chance to explore the state properly.

I noticed the billboards here where mostly in Hausa, or one side had the English version and the reverse the Hausa translation of the ad. Kaduna also had a small-town, less developed look, and being the lover of local foods, made sure I had some Kose and Doya:

Kose (Fried bean cakes) da Doya (and Fried Yam) da Yaji (and Pepper) bought from an outdoor seller frying on a large Wok placed on stones and firewood

I also hung out with friends in a nice outdoor garden and also noticed that compared Abuja, the electricity in Jos and Kaduna was less frequent, and I was told that three nights would go by without any electricity. Gosh!

Nevertheless, I must say KD, as the town is popularly called, was a little disappointing. Maybe because I had such high hopes of the place. It was like any other Nigerian town and fades away in my memory compared with other places I visited in Nigeria. I thought the reverse would be true. I hope when I return I can experience it better.


MINNA
I was in Minna for a few days for a wedding and enjoyed it. It was on my way there that I saw my first ever hut in Africa! Yep, after decades of being African, I finally saw a thatched-roofed, mud walled hut! A few lined the road on our journey, along with plenty of farmland and greenery and one huge mountain, I can't remember it's name.

It was also in Minna that I drank my first ‘Pure Water,’ which are small plastic sachets filled with water that is popular amongst many in Nigeria, as they cost around N5- N10 each, whereas Bottled water cost around N100 each.

Pure Water

Minna also had many checkpoints manned by armed uniformed police/army/guards dotted around, and roads leading up to police stations were totally closed-off due to recent attacks on police stations.  

Another thing I noticed about Minna, as was the case with Jos and Kaduna, is that looks can be deceiving: We'll drive up a bumpy, dilapidated dirt-road right up to a standard iron gate, but then the gates would open and Voila! a well-kept drive-way, beautiful kept lawn and large elegant house would appear, and inside the house would be equally beautiful. So many un-tarmacked roads led up to expensively built homes. 

Minna is probably less developed than any other state I’ve been in, but I enjoyed great hospitality and did a unique hairstyle there called 'Abuja Braids,' which was not only pretty but practical too in that it completely covered my natural hair, otherwise my hair would look fuzzy and rough after three days as my natural curls burst through and start poking through the extensions.

I also wore 'Anko' (Hausa word for aso-ebi) for the first time at a Northern wedding, which is where all the close friends and family of the bride and groom wear matching clothing material. The dress I had made was a beautiful fishtail design, but I didn't wear the gele/scarf provided.

I hope to one day be brave enough to visit Lagos. I was invited by a good British friend of mine who went there for a wedding (weddings seem to be the reasons for much travel. That and funerals. I hope to have many more of the former and none of the latter!) but unfortunately couldn't make it.

Here's to more travels across Nigeria!

Nigerian Politics vs British Politics

I'd heard a lot about Nigerian politics and politicians before I arrived in Abuja, and unfortunately, not much of it was praiseworthy. But now I'm here, it's not all as bad as it seems. Nigerian politicians can be very personable, generous and ingenious.

Here's an informal comparison between Politics in Nigeria with Politics in the UK.

Motives for Entering Politics
UK: To make an impact in your country or constituency; to pass a bill you have a passion for; to make your family proud; it's a feasible progression of your law/business/media career; you were inspired by another politician when you were younger; it's one of five traditional careers that the alumni at your prestigious school (Eton, Oxford, Cambridge) are groomed for or because you have a burning desire to be a notable Briton.


Nigeria: Money! There's big bucks to be made from being a politician in Nigeria. It's like winning the jackpot, all at once the nation's oil wealth becomes your own personal bank account for you to use, distribute and appropriate as you see fit. If money is not your motive, good for you, but you and me and the whole nation knows you'll 'chop' (enjoy) plenty of it anyway, so go ahead!

Public Service

UK: Politicians are held highly accountable for their service. You may email, call, text, Facebook  or visit your MP if and when you have a particular issue they are obliged to help you, and taking care of their constituency facilities, roads, libraries etc goes without saying. MPs have resigned for inefficiencies and wrongful practices, and politicians are very mindful not to get a bad reputation in the media. 

Nigeria: The voting of politicians into power is shrouded in so much raised eyebrows and kissed teeth that there's little trust in the elected officials. When a politician builds a road, sanitises an area or improves a school, he is celebrated, like Lagos Governor Babatunde Fashola, whose positive works in Lagos have garnered him great praise in Nigeria. But in the UK he would just be doing his job. 

Lagos Governor Babatunde Fashola: Nigerians sing his praises, but he's just doing his job

Extra-Curricular Businesses

UK: This is frowned upon, especially when it's very lucrative. You can raise money for charity, but huge profits for yourself is questionable. I watched an investigative documentary once that exposed the money-making practices of some politicians, whereby they were on the boards of private companies and were paid for consultancy services whilst also employed as an MP. It probably happens a lot in private, but it's not something MPs talk about or want citizens and the media to find out about.

Nigeria: I've heard of MPs receiving oil wells as their personal investments, dashing (giving) their children oil wells and securing lucrative contracts worth billions of Naira for themselves and their people. This is not so much frowned upon as expected. And the penalties and consequences for such acts are almost non-existent so that it happens openly.

Expectations

UK: You're expected to be respectable and effective, avoid scandal and leave office with your reputation intact. If you do encounter disgrace, you resign, and although you'll probably get another lucrative job, your scandal will limit your effectiveness. No-one expects money to flow from you because an MP isn't paid that much and flashing the cash is not the way the British do things.

Nigerians: You are expected to give money, cars, homes and contracts to your family, friends and kin. In fact, when you are elected or appointed, those around you rejoice because they're getting ready to enjoy your expensive gifts, and there'll be a line outside your house every morning from people coming to receive jobs and other gifts from you. In a way, the pressure from family encourages the siphoning of public funds so you'll be seen as generous and taking care of your own.

Travel to Work

UK: Taxi, Tube or private car (but don't own more than one, else you'll be judged extravagant, e.g. John Prescott, who was taunted and nicknamed 'Two Jags' for daring to own two Jaguars) I remember once waiting for the bus at Willesden Green in London and turning around to see ex-London Mayor Ken Livingstone behind me, also waiting for the bus, and current Prime Minister David Cameron used to ride a bicycle to work.

British Prime Minister David Cameron proudly cycling to work in London

Nigeria: In Abuja I've seen motorcades complete with a bullet-proof SUV-type car with tinted wondows led by two official motorcycles with their sirens on as they cleared traffic, and other cars parked on the side to allow them to pass. I thought it was the president himself but alas, it was only a senator. Politicians can have up to 12 top-of-the-range cars without anyone batting an eyelid and they always travel first class.

Houses

UK: The Expenses Scandal was a huge political expose in the UK a few years back when the media revealed that many MPs charged their various expenses - from taxi journeys to house rent - to their expenses account, which wasn't exactly illegal but scandalous nonetheless and, according to the British media, revealed the excesses MPs enjoyed at taxpayers' expense. I remember some MPs were vilified for owning houses in the country but renting flats in London charged to their expenses, and those that owned more than one house were publicly shamed for being out of touch with their not-so-wealthy constituents.

Nigeria: Multiple huge houses in wealthy areas like Maitama in Abuja are routinely built and houses in wealthy areas abroad bought by Nigerian politicians, and many also construct lavish residences in their village of origin, so that in some under-developed hamlet in deepest Nigeria a huge mansion owned by a politician will be surrounded by small, ramshackle houses of the other villagers. And many of the politicians rarely spend more than a week in many of their houses, so that they stand empty and useless most of the year.

Dressing
UK: Suits. Just suits. Everybody wears suits. Occasionally you may remove your jacket and be seen with just your shirt and tie, and you can even roll up your sleeves. You also have a selection of different coloured ties to choose from, but on the whole, just wear suits. Women may wear skirt or trouser suits.

The black and white uniformity of British Parliament

Nigeria: Depends on your religion, tribe, taste and personal quirks, so that a roomful of Nigerian politicians is a lesson in individuality. From Babanrigas and Kaftans in a variety of colours, embroidery, materials and styles depending on your tribe or tastes, with accompanying caps (matching or differently coloured, or the traditional red if you're Igbo/Delta) to a large Kaftan-style top and black wide-brimmed hat like our President Goodluck Jonathan, or military uniform/wear. You may also wear suits with different coloured bow-ties or ties. Women also have a variety of both native and western outfits to choose from, accompanied by scarves or geles.You can be as original, expressive or eccentric as you like, but always be smart.

The varying attires of Nigerian Politicians, from top to bottom: Sir Ahmadu Bello, General Ibrahim Babangida, Former President Musa Yar'Adua and current President Goodluck Jonathan

The individualism and varying cultural expressions on display at the Nigerian Senate

Religion in Public
UK: No prayer in public or acknowledgement of religion at all, unless it's during discussions of terrorism, freedom of speech or gay marriage. Ex-British Prime Minister Tony Blair's Press Secretary Alistair Campbell famously said 'We don't do God.' Although David Cameron recently declared that Britain was a Christian country, on the whole Religion and Politics rarely mix.

Nigerian: Both Christian and Muslim prayers are said before any major session in Parliament or major state event. Religion is discussed openly (although not always without tension) and it's an unwritten rule that Nigerian Presidents must alternate on religious lines, so if there's a Christian ruler now, the next ruler should be a Muslim.

Religion in Private
UK: Very private. Only the Queen's church going is documented, but Prime Ministers and other politicians are rarely pictured going to church or mosques or even talk about religion (except famous Catholic MP Ann Widdecombe)

Nigeria: President Goodluck Jonathan was recently shown on TV celebrating his birthday in church, and at one point he sat down whilst everyone else stood up and prayed for him. Other politicians are notable members of various churches and mosques and regularly talk about the importance of their faith in interviews.

Sexual Immorality/Adultery
UK: Absolutely frowned upon: a politician whose sins - whether promiscuity, theft, illegal practises, bribery or violent conduct - becomes public very quickly becomes an out-of-work politician. There was one issue of a male MP whose boyfriend was staying with him at his house, but he didn't reveal this. I can't remember the details, but he had to resign for perjury. Till today his crime is non-existent but the revelation of his secret living arrangements brought him down. When an MP is outed as an adulterer (e.g. John Profumo, who resigned when his affair with a prostitute came to light) his reputation is shot to pieces and endless jokes, innuendoes and media witch-hunts makes committing adultery something you should hide at all costs to protect your job.

John Profumo: Revelations of his affair not only ended his political career but also brought down the then Prime Minister Harold Macmillan

Nigeria: It is public knowledge that many married politicians enjoy the company of young, attractive women, and regularly frequent prominent hotels with said women. Everyone knows it goes on, and I don't think a politician has ever been reprimanded for extra-marital affairs in Nigeria. It's not that adultery is encouraged, but it is tolerated and the media doesn't really concern themselves with it.

Stealing Public Funds
UK: Absolutely discouraged and illegal, and there are firm protocols and guidelines in place to avoid this happening. The possibility of a politician taking what belongs to the public for himself and getting away with it is slim. The Prime Minister has to declare the gifts other visiting heads of state give him and what he gives them, and the gifts should have more historical/sentimental value than monetary value, e.g. an engraved pen. The exchange of money and gifts between politicians and businessmen is seen as bribery and will land said politician in prison.

Nigeria: This is not only a regular occurrence, but an accepted fact. In fact, if you don't collect huge amounts of money whilst in office, your colleagues would mock your lack of ingenuity and your family will criticise you for not being generous.

Nepotism 
UK: Extremely frowned upon, though it happens. If David Cameron's cousin or brother were to receive a political appointment, tongues would start wagging. When ex-Labour spin doctor Alistair Campbell's son was given a top job in government, the whole Labour party was accused of nepotism and a party spokesman had to deny the claims.

Nigeria: Many politicians not only employ their kith and kin to top roles, but they also bless them with lucrative contracts and business deals.

Entry into Politics
UK: The best way into politics is by attending certain top schools (Oxford, Cambridge, Eton, Harrow etc) and by knowing the right people. Money doesn't really play a major role, it's more a matter of class and education, as a commoner can't become an MP just like that. It's a mostly upper/middle class white male profession.

Nigeria: The surest path to politics is being related to or knowing someone already in politics. Education doesn't really play a big part, although a British or American degree is a bonus. A wealthy businessman/professional may also become a politician, but generally the quickest way is through recommendation (God-fatherism) and having lots of money, and someone working as a labourer today can become Governor tomorrow.

Lavish Spending
UK: Frowned upon as vulgar and uncouth. The British upper/middle class (which most politicians are) are not known for their extravagant spending, and any obvious displays of wealth is looked down on. I remember the cruel whispers and snares that accompanied the revelation that Tony Blair holidayed in a house owned by a celebrity.

Nigeria: Yep, this too is expected and tolerated. Everyone knows politicians are very wealthy, and they not only spend their money, the wear it too. The usual status symbols like houses, cars, latest technology, expensive clothes, Rolex watches and foreign holidays/education/homes/healthcare are there for everyone to see. Nigerians may complain about the extravagance of their politicians, but many don't deny that if put in their position they would also 'chop' money.  "Yes, become wealthy" they seem to say, "but at least build a road or two whilst you're up there."

My Life as the Only Northerner Amongst Southerners

Because I'm a Christian and Fulanis are Muslims, and because my family never lived amongst other Northerners in the UK, I have grown up surrounded by Yorubas and Igbos. So at the Nigerian event I go to I am the only Northerner present. I am sometimes the first Fulani person many people have ever met.

Being amongst your countrymen yet feeling out of place for being the only one of your ethnicity is an interesting predicament.

Feeling Like an Outsider
No one ever assumes I'm Nigerian, so I'm always self-conscious at a Nigerian gathering. People say I look Jamaican, West Indian, Sierra Leonean, Ethiopian, Cameroonian, Somalian...I've heard it all, except Nigerian. When people question your origin all the time and are surprised when you tell them where you're from, you start to view yourself differently.

Sometimes I feel like declaring my origin the minute I step into a Nigerian event to avoid confusion, or tattoo 'Yes, I am Nigerian too' on my forehead. I often feel like an impostor at these gatherings, and I imagine that some people are thinking "What's that Jamaican girl doing here?"

In a couple of churches I've been to (and I've been to a lot both as a worshipper and a Christian media journalist) the Pastor would tell a Yoruba joke or proverb at the pulpit that everyone laughs or nods at except me; or the choir would sing a popular Yoruba song everyone else would sing along to except me. I've even been to a Nigerian comedy show where comedians told their jokes in pidgin and Yoruba.


The 'Are You Nigerian?' Question
I've been asked the question 'Are you Nigerian?' at least once a week since forever, and at least three Nigerian acquaintances I've known were unaware that I was one of them for many years. They assumed that I was West Indian.

The funny thing is that when people want to decipher my origins by asking my name, hearing my English name doesn't help. They then ask for my surname (because most Nigerians despite an English first name usually have a 'native' surname) and my equally English surname doesn't help either.

Some people who asked me these questions leave it there and I thus retain my ethnic ambiguity in their eyes. The majority just ask outright "Are you Nigerian?"

People Treat Me Differently

In certain situations, people would speak Yoruba or pidgin to everyone else in the group I'm with, then turn to me to translate what they've just said or joke that I probably don't understand (I understand Pidgin and a bit of Yoruba).

Or people are more gentle or nicer to me than they would be to a fellow Nigerian. For instance when I go up to be served food at the buffet table at a wedding reception, some of the ladies serving would describe the details of the yam porridge (asaro) or beans (ewa agoyin) they're serving me, assuming I'm new to these foods (I'm not). Or a Nigerian Auntie we don't know would chastise my Nigerian friend for doing something, but won't chastise me for doing the same thing because she doesn't feel familiar enough with me.

When people don't think I'm 'one of them' they are nicer in a detached, polite way, but this just strengthens the invisible barrier between us. And some only become 'real' with me when they find out I'm Nigerian too.

Changing Accents

A few people will be verbally-jousting in pidgin, but when I join in the conversation they respond in a British accent. Or someone would talk to my friend in a relaxed Nigerian-accent, but talk to me in a forced British accent.

Or my conversation with someone would begin with them 'forming' the Queen's English to me, but after I tell them I'm Nigerian too thinking that this should get them to relax, they continue to form because they're not quite at home with me being Nigerian.

The Fulani Ambassador 

People often ask me to "say something in Hausa" or they say the Hausa words they know and ask for a translation or a response from me. Some ask me if various stereotypes they've heard about Fulanis are true, and when any Hausa-related issue occurs, they want my thoughts on it.

A couple of Southern Aunties who grew up in the North were delighted when they found out I spoke Hausa, and were happy to speak it again with me. It's always lovely when this happens, and the aunties then make sure to always speak to me in Hausa whenever we meet.

Much to my chagrin though, a few people who have a bit of exposure to Fulanis want to show they know a lot about my people and challenge me on some aspect of my culture. For example:

Them: Isn't the Fulani traditional dress a type of lacey material?

Me: No it's a white, cottony top and wrapper combo with pastel colours at the front.

Them: Are you sure? I swear it's a kind of lacey, covered top that kinda flares at the sleeves...

Me: Nope

Them: I don't think so. Are you really sure?

'Nigerian' means Yoruba

I go to events marked as Nigerian - like the Nigerian carnival in London or a Nollywood film premiere, but usually these events are attended by 85% Yoruba, 10% Igbo and 5% other Southerners. There's even a Yoruba festival in the UK. But I've never heard of an event that celebrates Fulani or Northern culture or ever been to a large Hausa or Fulani gathering that involved more than two families. In my UK experience, being Nigerian means being the only Northerner in a room full of Yorubas.

I enjoy being with my people. There's an easiness and familiarity I appreciate when I'm at such events, and a jovial humour and sense of fun and craziness you wouldn't get anywhere. There's also no wedding like a Nigerian wedding (see my Nigerian Wedding vs British Weddings post)

Yet sometimes I feel acutely aware of my difference: I often don't act, know, understand or feel like everyone else in these places, and for all our kinship I might as well be a white person due to their perception of me and my perception of myself.

Seeing Two Sides
For those that carry clues to their origins in their name, appearance or personality, people have already made up their mind about you before they meet you or the minute they meet you. But my apparent ambiguity means I'm able to note how people respond to me before and after they find out where I'm from.

The majority of White People are indifferent when they find out I'm Nigerian. In fact, many don't even ask unless they have a legitimate reason to. Some express mild surprise because they say I didn't act the way they expected Nigerians to act, and a few have 'the look' of negative pre-judgement quickly pass over their eyes but even then, they successfully continue to act normal.

Nigerians are generally guarded or civil with me to begin with, then when they find out, become friendlier and more comfortable around me. They are also very surprised and ask lost of questions; I've had to recount which State in Nigeria my parents come from, the number of years I've lived in the UK and whether I speak Hausa so many times! 

Northerners embrace me and tell me they suspected it when they find out, but on the whole they have no idea I'm Fulani too due to my non-Muslimness.

Other Africans are surprised because they expected me to be a certain way. Some Jamaicans are so sure I'm one of them that they speak Patois to me and feel very comfortable around me, and when they find out I'm Nigerian they are disappointed. 

Life as 'the only Fulani in the village' is interesting to say the least!