"You Are A Fake Nigerian"

Expert Nigerian: Where are you from?
Me: I am British-Nigerian
Expert Nigerian: Really?
Me: Yes, my parents are from Nigeria
Expert Nigerian: But you don't sound Nigerian...
Me: I know, I can't help that.

Expert Nigerian: You don't even look Nigerian
Me: Well both my parents are fully Nigerian
Expert Nigerian: When was the last time you visited?
Me: I've never been there...yet
Expert Nigerian: Aha! See, how can you belong to a country you've never been to?!
Me: But I keep up to date with all the latest news online and through Nigerian newspapers. I speak with Nigerians back there and around the world all the time

Expert Nigerian: Your name is British...
Me: Yeah, it wasn't originally though. It's a long story...
Expert Nigerian: So you even changed your name?! *shakes head in disbelief*
Me: So because I have a British name I cannot be a real Nigerian?
Expert Nigerian: Well with your British name, British education and not ever visiting there, you are NOT a real Nigerian....
Me: But my heritage, history and family is all Nigerian....
Expert Nigerian: Yes, but your family abandoned the country a long time ago
Me: So? I'm even thinking of going back soon...

Expert Nigerian: You don't know Nigeria at all. Most of what you know you've read from books. It's second hand information
Me: So? It's still valid. I probably know more about the statistics and political situation of the country than some Nigerians living there.
Expert Nigerian: But they live and breathe the air there every day, they have real experiences
Me: I know the National Anthem and Pledge of Allegiance...
Expert Nigerian: So? You've never lived or worked there. You haven't sweated everyday under the hot sun, or drove around on the roads...

Expert Nigerian: You're just a wannabe-Nigerian, a British-Nigerian indeed...
Me: Yes, Indeed.
Expert Nigerian: But you have a British passport. You are a British citizen
Me: I can choose to have a green passport tomorrow if I want. I speak Hausa...
Expert Nigerian: But not fluently...
Me: So? What about the white people born in Nigeria, like Oscar winning British actor Colin Firth of The King's Speech? He was born in Nigeria. If he had chosen to remain there and learnt the language and worked and lived in Lagos and drove home on Nigerian roads everyday in the hot sun, will that make him more Nigerian than me?
Expert Nigerian: *Silence*
Me: The white man that wrote the Hausa dictionary I have, he was a fluent Hausa speaker. Is he more Nigerian than me?
Expert Nigerian: *silence, shakes head*

Me: I may think and dream in English, and I may not be 100% fluent in Hausa, but if you dropped me in Kaduna tomorrow, I will manage...
Expert Nigerian: Yes, but most of your knowledge about Nigeria today is from books. Books and your fellow wannabe-Nigerian friends who visit once a year to put on a fake pidgin accent, then return to their jobs in Britain and forget about Nigeria for the rest of the year.
Me: That's not true. I know Nigerians who live in England but the food they eat, the clothes they wear, the churches they go to, 95% of the people they socialise with and even the shops they buy from is Nigerian. The only thing British about them is the street they live on and the channels on their TV
Expert Nigerian: Yes but...
Me: And I know other 'real Nigerians' who as you say, lived in Nigeria for decades before coming to the UK and speak their language fluently, but they dislike Nigeria and other Nigerians, will never go back to visit and put on a posh accent and pretend they have nothing to do with Nigeria. Are they more Nigerian than me?
Expert Nigerian: Hmm
Me: I love Nigeria. I write about it as a Journalist and blog about it. Nobody makes me keep alive an interest in my country, I choose to. In fact, sometimes it would be easier to forget or deny my heritage. So I think I am worthy to be called a Nigerian. My experiences of the country may be different from yours but I am just as Nigerian as you are. I am as Nigerian as I say I am.

8 Reasons Why You Meet Few Hausa/Fulanis in the UK

I have met few Hausa people in all the time I've lived the UK, but I have many Yoruba and Igbo friends and have met hundreds of others.

I know we're all one; ever since the British decided to bring these three distinct peoples together under one nation called Nigeria, we have shared a destiny and a future. But the Hausa and Fulanis- two distinct groups united by Islam, inter-marriage and history- remain mysterious to many Nigerians abroad due to their relative invisibility. Below are some reasons why I think this is so.

(WARNING: These are wild generalisations. They are based on some facts but it is in NO WAY conclusive, there are lots of exceptions to every rule!)

1. Private People

Hausas are private, reserved people who mind their own business. They are often, in very Islamic states, not as exposed to Western influences as other groups which means that emigration to the UK or the US is not the 'great ideal' they've dreamed about as a result of consuming Hollywood movies or music, as it is to others. Because of their Muslim religion, Islamic countries like Dubai and Saudi Arabia are also more attractive.

2. Simplicity

Hausa people are known for their simplicity (rich Hausa men have been known to walk everywhere and wear the same clothes even though they can afford cars and expensive clothing) so the bright lights of Hollywood or the golden streets of London doesn't hold the same appeal. They are modest and unmaterialistic and don't have the need to obtain expensive things from abroad.

3. Laid-Back

Of course they enjoy the finer things in life, but both Hausa Christians and Muslims don't often go to the great lengths others do to secure a visa to the West. The rigmarole of waiting in line under the hot sun for the whole day outside the US Embassy, the thousands of Naira necessary to secure your tickets out and the paperwork and often dodgy means of acquiring visitor status to enter these countries is not something they pursue. It could be said they lack drive and ambition, which is untrue. A Hausa man's home is his castle and he's able to be content with the little he has as long as he provides for his family.

4. Less Education

Northerners are also less educated than their Southern counterparts. Indeed, many eschew Western-influenced education for traditional Islamic schooling, so going overseas to study and embark on a career is not open to them. They may also prefer travelling to Arab and Islamic countries because they see the West as Christian-influenced which puts them off coming here.

5. Docile Women

Hausa/Fulani women are even less likely to be university-educated than their men, and are sometimes married at an early age, thus their aspirations are stunted and their opportunities for exploring the world limited by their tradition and home lives.


6. Knowing No One Abroad

Another limiting factor to Northerners going abroad may be the fact that they don't know many of their kinsmen living in other countries. If you know people in Mongolia the thought of going there could appeal, otherwise you might choose to stay home instead. Yorubas and Igbos have large communities in many areas around the world so stepping off the plane they have the name of an 'Uncle' or a church to go to.

7. Wealth and Poverty

There are many wealthy Hausa/Fulani Alhajis who do travel abroad, send their children to study in Western universities and conduct business in different countries, but they don't always live amongst other Nigerians. There are also many poor Malams who cannot afford to travel even if they wanted to and learn to make do with the little they have.

8. You Have Met Them But Didn't Know...

Some Fulanis don't 'look' Nigerian. You may also know or have met Nigerians but didn't know they were Hausa/Fulani. So next time you meet an African with a Muslim name, you might be talking to a Hausa or Fulani person; a minority amongst Nigerians in the diaspora.

6 Nigerians That Make Me Proud

Every time I see or hear a Nigerian name in the mainstream media, my ears perk up. There are numerous 'Naija' professionals out there setting high standards in their professions, and below are six brilliant men and women representing Nigeria powerfully on the world stage:

1. Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie - The Brilliant Writer

I am an eternal fan. Her poignant, searingly honest writing is awe-inspiring. I own, have read and always recommend all three of her books: Purple Hibiscus, Half of a Yellow Sun and The Thing Around Your Neck, because her succinct style and 'alive' characters make me smile and look back to the book cover, just to see her name again in all its Igbo glory emblazoned on the front. Yes, she really is one of us.

I attended an event in London for the release of her last book, and I along with the audience listened in admiration as she read excerpts from The Thing Around Your Neck in her measured, majestic tone: no forced American flourishes or unnecessary embellishments, just the words from her book spoken in a polished Nigerian accent.


Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

 Adichie has won many literary awards for her work, her books have sold millions and she is constantly compared to Chinua Achebe. Yet to me, her most important achievement is in capturing the beautiful, the atrocious, the ordinary, the peculiar, the traditional and the historical of Nigerians in the diaspora. She is chronicling our stories and giving voice to our best and our worst, and for that I am thankful.

2. Chiwetel Ejiofor - The Thoughtful Actor

This British-Nigerian actor has appeared in a host of blockbusters including Love Actually, Four Brothers, American Gangster and 2012.

But it is in the small British film Dirty Pretty Things that his quiet confidence and intensity shine through. Playing a noble Nigerian doctor who fled his country to drive taxis and work in a hotel reception in London, his portrayal of an illegal immigrant struggling to do the right thing was a masterclass in subtle emoting.

Chiwetel Ejiofor

His general gracefulness and reluctance to 'live large' is admirable. Perhaps he owes his stoic demeanour to a history of tragedy (his parents fled to Britain from the Biafran war, but on a trip back to Nigeria as a boy he was sitting in the back of a car that crashed killing his father.) Whatever the case, Ejiofor is a class act that makes me proud to be Nigerian.

3. David Olusoga - The BBC Producer

This is most of what I know about this producer is from the website Faber & Faber:

"David Olusoga is an Anglo-Nigerian historian and producer. Working across radio and television, his programmes have explored the themes of colonialism, slavery and scientific racism. He has travelled extensively in Africa, and has been drawn to Namibia and its troubled history for several years. He currently works as a producer for the BBC."

It was after watching a fascinating documentary on BBC Four called Abraham Lincoln: Saint or Sinner that I saw 'David Olusoga' named as the producer. I hurriedly googled it. We might appear in front of the screen, but to produce a programme was another impressive story.

So although I don't know more about him or even what he looks like, his name alone testifies to his achievement as a Nigerian bringing his historical research to the screen.

4. Precious Williams - The Triumphant Journalist

At four months old, this journalist was given away by her rich Igbo mother to a white woman to be raised in an all-white area of Sussex. Williams' subsequent feelings of abandonment, ignorance about her Africaness and confusion about where she belonged (the white family who loved her or the Black mother who looks like her but ignores her?) is documented in her memoir Precious: A True Story.

 Precious Williams

Her story is all the more poignant in light of recent legislation by the British government to allow colour-blind adoption, which would particularly benefit Black kids who are last to be adopted because of a shortage of Black adoptees. Although placing minority children with loving white parents seems decent, Williams has spoken out against it because of her traumatic experience.

Her book was touching and provocative, and her achievements despite it all (she went to Oxford and is now a successful journalist) inspiring. It also made me question our Nigerian culture's high esteem of a Western career even to our detriment, and our desire for our children to 'speak with a posh accent,' both of which were reasons behind Williams' mother's decision to give her away.

5. Seun Osewa - Nairaland Founder 


His website Nairaland is a favourite destination of mine where I go to keep up with what's going on in Nigeria and the diaspora. It's where I learnt that Nigerians, whether Hausa, Yoruba or Igbo; are hilarious, religious, respectful of elders and the institution of marriage, greatly value education and our culture, and, although very critical of certain aspects, are always proud of their country.

I've learnt a lot about relationships, shared my thoughts and reactions with other posters in real time whilst watching the 2010 World Cup, cried with others following the murder of a regular poster and marvelled at the ridiculousness of some of the news that come out of our country. e.g. Woman gives birth to snake.

This online community of millions has been made possible by the genius of website developer Osewa. So for all that Nairaland means to me and many of Nigerians all over the world every day, Thank You.

6. Aliko Dangote - Controversial Billionaire

He is not just a wealthy Nigerian worth $13.8 billion, he made it into Forbes' List as the Richest Black man in the world. Dangote is the only Northern Nigerian on my list and I remember being proud when he was featured on BBC's An African Journey with Jonathan Dimbleby where the presenter flew on Dangote's private jet and was pleasantly surprised at the efficiency of Dangote's factories.

Aliko Dangote

Although he has benefited from having friends in very high political places and his success isn't without controversy, I was personally impressed when he stated:

"[Nigerians] can be even bigger than me, you just have to believe that yes, there is a future in this country of ours. I don't believe we have even started doing anything in Nigeria because the opportunities are so enormous. If you give me $5 billion today, I will invest everything here in Nigeria."

Here's a man representing us in global business and who speaks of reinvesting into Nigeria as opposed to taking his money elsewhere. Sannu da aiki Alhaji Dangote!

4 Reasons Why I am Jealous of South Africa

Even though Nigeria is the most populous country in Africa (160 million people) so that every 1 in 4 Black person in the world is a Nigerian; even though it has the most industrious people who possess a fabulous sense of humour and a perpetual optimism about life, and even though the world's richest Black man is Nigerian, I'm still jealous of the West's interest in all things South Africa.

1. MANDELA
There's an almost Messiah-like reverence for the political prisoner turned apartheid-abolitionist, Nobel Peace Prize winner and Former SA President Nelson Mandela, so that every celebrity worth their salt has taken a picture with him. Numerous books and films have been produced to celebrate his achievements (from Invictus to the recent Winnie starring Jeniffer Hudson and Terrence Howard) and his status as respected elder-statesman of the world is unrivaled.

Nelson Mandela: The world's best loved African leader

Nigeria has yet to produce such a highly-regarded leader. Not once. We have respected authors like Chinua Achebe and Wole Soyinka, but in recent times our politicians have been better known for what they do wrong than what they've done right.

2. FOOTBALL WORLD CUP
Then there was the 2010 World Cup. The first ever to be held in Africa was of course in SA. Now this makes sense because in terms of the country's advancements in technology and infrastructure, it is by far the most suitable and best prepared country in Sub-Saharan Africa to hold such a prestigious event. Even SA's ability to have continuous electricity trumps Nigeria's NEPA failures. But I was jealous that South Africa was yet again feted by the worldwide community for this impressive feat. I wish it were Nigeria. But alas, even our footballers, once our pride and joy (and former Olympic Gold medal winners!) failed us.

3. MEDIA
Around the world numerous books have been written (Cry, The Beloved Country) multiple documentaries (Rough Aunties), popular films (Cry Freedom, Sarafina, District 9) plays, column inches and charities have been dedicated to South Africa. Although Nigeria gave the world Fela Kuti and our writers like Chimamanda Adichie continue to excite the literary world, our country doesn't elicit the same level of fascination, romance and interest as South Africa does.

Fela Kuti: Nigeria's best known musician

And out of the seven Black men that have won the Nobel Peace Prize, three were South African.

4. TOURISM
There's also the general beauty and tourist-friendly appeal of cities like Cape Town and Johannesburg which attract visitors. With world-class accommodation, picturesque beaches, beautiful vistas and natural amenities to enjoy I'm not surprised. But I am jealous. I wish Nigeria's tourist industry was equally well-developed. We have the potential: beautiful beaches, the best cuisine, great history and beautiful areas in Abuja and Lagos. But we lack the security to ensure visitors' safety, and the development and promotion of some of these areas let us down, as does the air and land travel difficulties (bad roads, shambolic airports)

Abuja, Nigeria

South Africa is as well known for its high crime rates, in fact more well known than Nigeria's, yet the country still manages to be the foremost African destination for tourists, film-makers and travellers. Some will say the large white minority help to keep the country developed and affluent and draw people in, and there's some truth in that.

But Nigeria has the potential to be the first all-Black giant of commerce and advancement in Africa. We have the funds (oil money), an eager labour-force, the skills and the resources. Greed and lack of foresight has stunted our growth in the areas of good government and tourism so far, but I still believe we can do it. One day...

Until then, I will continue to view South Africa's high profile success with envy and think: "If only that was Nigeria!"

My Muslim and Christian Past

My father was a Fulani Muslim. He went to the mosque most Fridays, wore a Hula and Babanriga and prayed on his ornate prayer mat. I had a muslim name, went to muslim classes and spoke Hausa. Although educated in London, my father retained his Islamic identity and brought us up in his faith, although it was never imposed on us.

Example of a Hula and Babanriga

My mother converted to Islam when she and my father were married, but she still retained her Christian belief and even took us to church sometimes.

Now I'm a Christian. Looking back at my childhood, being a Muslim was easy, and converting to Christianity even easier: one day, in my teens, I was convinced about Christianity after a talk with a family friend. Actually living and making decisions as a Christian hasn't been easy, but religion to me in the past was a simple matter of preference and conviction.

However, the ongoing religious conflicts between Muslims and Christians in places like Jos and other predominantly Muslim Northern states like Kaduna often surprises me. From my family's experiences of living in Kaduna,  the tension prevalent between both faith groups was markedly less obvious until maybe the mid-90s.

A cousin told me of how she and the other neighbourhood kids - both Muslim and Christian - used to all queue up to have a turn on the one swing in their area, which was owned by a wealthier family who allowed the neighbourhood kids access to it most days after school, and walking to school with both her Muslim and Christian friends, and of watching Indian movies with her Muslim next door neighbours. No religious problems there. That was in the 80s when Ibrahim Babangida, a muslim, was Nigeria's president.

President Ibrahim Babangida (1985 - 1993)

I guess today things will be different. I hear of churches being burnt and Christians being beaten, killed and buried in mass graves. The Christians are retaliating too, with Muslims being hunted down and killed en masse. I hear Christians are moving out or being driven out of northern towns and of the general unrest amongst the two religions.

The violence perpetuated in the name of God (although ethnic and social differences are behind a lot of the violence too) is atrocious, widespread and upsetting. But I always remember the harmonious stories of Kaduna, a time when muslims and Christians lived side by side in peace, shopped at the local markets and queued up to buy kose from the same woman seated behind a huge Wok placed on massive stones in which was frying the popular delicacies made from Black-eyed Beans.

A mass grave of Christians killed in religious violence in a village near Jos, Nigeria

Perhaps this is an idealised version of a time long gone, but it's still sad to think that, as a legitimate product of parents and extended family who lived in Kaduna happily for years, I may not receive a warm welcome if I was to visit now because I am a Christian.

4 Reasons Why I Hesitate to Say I'm Nigerian

Admitting I am Nigerian is hard when the popular notion of my fellow countrymen is confined to four categories:

1) Fraud: the verbose stranger with bad grammar sending out speculative emails claiming to be wealthy yet asking for your money in the well-known 419 scam.
2) Crudeness: A loud, brightly-attired, rotund woman/man with a thick accent speaking/gesticulating/arguing loudly on the bus/airport/shop/street
3) Corruption: Very wealthy Nigerians who siphon millions from their country's oil wealth into offshore accounts when 80% of their people struggle to make ends meet
4) Education: Individuals with multiple degrees, Masters and PhDs (education is a must in order to be taken seriously by other Nigerians)

OK, so the last one isn't so bad but the first three are a source of embarrassment to me. These attributes are often sensationalised by the media, and I've seen the general crudeness described in number 2) too much around London (Peckham, stand up!)

This leads to my innocent answer of "Surrey" when someone asks "Where do you come from?"

Of course I know what they mean. They want to know where I'm from originally, and often ask if I'm Jamaican. I shake my head no. So knowing I'm not West Indian (which means I'm African) yet being unable to place my lineage because I don't have the familiar multi-syllabled African name, or the recognisable 'African look,' I finally say I'm Nigerian only to be met with surprise.

Let's be clear: When non-Nigerians think of Nigerians they are in fact thinking of someone from the Yoruba tribe, as Yoruba people, often from Lagos are the most visible in the UK and thus exemplify what being Nigerian is in terms of their names i.e. Oluwadamilola Agunyele, fuller facial features and boisterous personalities.

A funny but stereotypical view of Nigerians on British TV

So as someone from northern Nigeria born into a Fulani/Muslim family, I don't fit the stereotype. My name is Western, I have a Fulani appearance: narrow features, slim build and the reserved mannerisms of the Fulanis.

A Fulani couple

People thinking I'm Jamaican used to be great back in secondary school when being African was uncool. But as an accomplished adult proud of my Northern roots, I will not lie. Although after seeing 'The Look' flicker over too many peoples' eyes after telling them I'm Nigerian, a pre-judging look of "Oh, I know what your people are about" or "Oh Gosh, really?" I often hesitate.

Sometimes I try to explain the difference between myself and 'normal Nigerians' by saying I'm from the North, i.e. we have different cultures, attitudes and religious origins because the north is predominantly Muslim and the South Christian. This sometimes works when describing to non-Nigerians why I don't fit the stereotype, although sometimes I'm not sure they get it, especially those that think all Africans speak the same language. But to my fellow countrymen, saying I'm Fulani explains most things. They are still shocked I'm Nigerian though. One Yoruba man kept saying "Really?!" when I told him.

I've been tempted to say I'm Ghanaian. People usually have a more favourable opinion of Ghanaians and like their easy-going, cheerful natures. Also, many people from around the world have travelled to Ghana to explore their long-lost African heritage, to see Elmina's Castle or for an exotic holiday. You'll hardly find any non-Nigerian holidaying in Nigeria.

But luckily, my commitment to sincerity always trumps my reticence. I cannot let the minority that embarrass honest, cultured Nigerians of all tribes make me deny my heritage. In fact, I'm on a mission to give the people around me a more positive view of my country.