Nigerian Weddings vs British Weddings

I was captivated by the elegance and efficiency of the Royal wedding between Prince William and Kate Middleton. There was a real sense of regal simplicity and everything ran smoothly.

'The Kiss' by the Royal Couple

But what would the wedding have looked like Nigerian-style? Below is a look at the differences in culture between a Nigerian and a British wedding.

INVITATIONS
Brits: Invitations are sent out weeks ahead to guests with final numbers strictly adhered to for catering and seating purposes. The invite is usually from the bride and groom and the design and style can be elegant or humorous.

Nigerians: The concept of invitation-only weddings seems selfish to Nigerians so everyone is welcome, even the bride's friend's sister's neighbour or the groom's tennis coach's girlfriend's aunt. But invitations do go out and are usually formal and from the couple's parents requesting your attendance to their children's wedding.

VENUE
Brits: The church is no longer the only acceptable place for Brits to swap vows and weddings now take place in McDonald's, on roller coasters, under water and in pubs.

Nigerians: Religion is of huge importance to Nigerians and the majority of weddings take place in a church or mosque. The thought of conducting a service in an informal setting is laughable and would bring shame and ridicule to the traditionally minded parents of the couple.

A Yoruba Bride and Groom in Traditional Wedding Dress (flamboyant cakes are popular)

PARENTAL INVOLVEMENT
Brits: The couple's mothers tend to want to dictate a large portion of the occasion and are very hands on with arrangements. They can, however, be forced to be flexible so that everyone is happy.

Nigerians: The couple's mothers tend to want to dictate a large portion of the occasion and are very hands on with arrangements. The younger generation often succumbs to the desires of the elders.

TIME-KEEPING
Brits: Time-keeping is important and efforts are made to keep to schedule and not over-run. The Order of Service are followed closely and even speeches are timed to the minute.

Nigerians: Time-keeping? Ha! Does anyone even arrive wearing a watch? A 12pm start is really a 3:43pm start, the bridal party is expected to be very fashionably late, the sermon can last an hour, the reception starts when everybody gets there and the Order of Service is used as a hand-held fan.

WEDDING PARTY
Brits: The wedding party consists of three or four pairs of bridesmaids and grooms men, a best man and maid-of-honour, a page-boy and one or two flower-girls.

Nigerians: The wedding party consists of nine or ten pairs of bridesmaids and grooms men, a best man and maid-of-honour, two or three page-boys and three or four flower-girls.

A Nigerian wedding party

DRESS CODE
Brits: Smart, formal dresses, suits and hats in conservative colours. Female guests avoid wearing white so as not to upstage the bride.

Nigerians: Colours galore! From the monumental geles on the women's heads to the elaborately patterned aso-ebis and ankara dresses on show, fashion is a serious factor in Nigerian weddings. Sunglasses are common and large jewellery, matching accessories and green crocodile-skin shoes for men are welcome. Friends and family of the bride wear the same coloured fabric tailored to suit their individual styles and the groom's guests wear another.

The couple have two opportunities to showcase their couture, first at the traditional wedding (with a separate cake, traditional vows, bride price and lots of postrating before elders) where everyone wears native attire, then at the white wedding although guests can wear native dress to both.

Example of the vivid wedding 'uniform' (aso-ebi), sunglasses and thick jewellery at a Nigerian wedding

SERMON
Brits: The sermon by the Vicar is scripted and traditional and lasts no more than 20 minutes.
Nigerians: The sermon by the Pastor is unscripted and includes much advice, humorous marriage anecdotes and audience participation and can last an hour.

RECEPTION DECORATION
Brits: Colour-themed, draped chairs and tables, centre-pieces and favours.
Nigerians: Colour-themed, draped chairs and tables, centre-pieces, favours and snacks like chin-chin and puff- puff, canned drinks and large juice cartons waiting on the tables.

A Benin/Igbo Bride and Groom in Traditional Wedding Dress

NUMBER OF GUESTS 
Brits: Guests can number from 10 to 300 for a large wedding.
Nigerians: Guests can number from 200 to 3,000 for a large wedding

SEATING
Brits: There are place-names and everyone knows where they ought to sit. There is also a top table for the bridal party.
Nigerians: There are no place-names and everyone sits where they want. There is a top table on a stage for the bridal party.

A Hausa Bride and Groom in Traditional Wedding Dress

FOOD
Brits: A set menu of three courses including dessert, tabled or from a buffet with alcohol a-plenty from a bar
Nigerians: A varied buffet serving up to twelve dishes including jollof rice, fried rice, yam, meat and fish dishes, salad, sauces and pounded yam. There is no dessert (except the wedding cake) but lots of soft drinks and non-alcoholic malt beer like Supermalt. There is usually no alcohol.

MUSIC
Brits: A live band playing guitar-led music or a wedding singer
Nigerians: An energetic live band playing drum-led music with religious lyrics, or if the couple is rich, a famous musician like TuFace or Ice Prince.

Example of Nigerian Wedding Cake (Probably for a Traditional Wedding)

DANCING

Brits: Bride and Groom have the first dance, then guests dance demurely until drunk when their moves become more comical and exuberant.

 

Nigerians: Bride and Groom have the first dance and are expected to energetically showcase their dance skills whilst guests paste dollar bills on their foreheads which drop to the ground and are gathered up by a member of the bridal party employed for such a task. The guests then dance with exuberance without the need for alcohol.

GIFTS

Brits: Wedding presents are expected and given, often from a gift list but giving money is frowned upon.

Nigerians: Wedding presents are expected but many guests arrive empty-handed. Giving money in white envelopes is common and appreciated. Towards the end of the evening, guests receive personalised gifts bearing a picture of the couple and a message from the gifts' sponsor, e.g. calendars or mugs with a smiling picture of 'Bunmi and Ade; 22/05/10 May God Bless Your Union; Love from the Adenuga Family.' Wealthier couples give out luxury gifts, from televisions to designer handbags to select guests.

 

Union between the Western and the Traditional

"You Are A Fake Fulani"

Expert Fulani: You can't be a Fulani and a Christian
Me: That's like saying you can't be a Pakistani-Christian or an English-Muslim. But you know people like that exist right?
Expert Fulani: Well they betray their ethnicity
Me: Why should your ethnicity dictate your religion or vice versa? Isn't religion a matter of choice and conviction?
Expert Fulani: Yes, but there are certain things that indicate your level of commitment to your ethnicity, and if you're a true Fulani you would never even consider Christianity
Me: But the more educated we are, the more we experience other cultures and understand different peoples, the more we will embrace things that was against our culture years ago. I'm sure you know there was a time when a Fulani woman with a Masters degree from London was improbable and even considered wrong...
Expert Fulani: But religion is much more important than education.


Me: Did you choose to be a Muslim, or was it a family tradition you were born into and found yourself a part of, and you just didn't consider other options?
Expert Fulani: Of course Islam is part of our tradition, but I also know Islam is the truth. Being Fulani is completely linked with being a Muslim. A Fulani-Christian is an oxymoron.
Me: Why should this remain so?
Expert Fulani: Because it is the way it has always been, we like it this way. It is what makes us us.
Me: So a Fulani adult has no right to become a Christian?
Expert Fulani: Not if they love and honour their culture. Not if they respect their family. It is detestable to us and is against the Qur'an.
Me: So what about the few Christian Fulanis in Northern Nigeria who continue to drink Fura da Nono and speak Fulfude?
Expert Fulani: I doubt such people exist. And if they do they are detestable and will certainly not be allowed to live amongst other respectable Fulanis. A Muslim Fulani is the only true Fulani.


Me: Do you live in a hut?
Expert Fulani: No
Me: Do you herd cows?
Expert Fulani: Of course not
Me: Well that was the way the original Fulanis lived. They were nomadic and lived in temporary homes. So since you do none of those things, how can you call yourself a true Fulani?
Expert Fulani: Don't be silly. There's more to us than that.
Me: Really?
Expert Fulani: Of course. Our culture is more than herding cows. That's even an insult to confine our people to just been cow-herders. We are scientists, businessmen and politicians. Things have changed since we lived in huts.
Me: I agree. So don't you also think that things have changed since every Fulani was a Muslim? Cultures evolve and people change. This doesn't mean that one's ethnicity is less authentic, its just... different. Everyone is allowed to make what they will of their heritage. You can embrace it, reject it or adapt it to suit your situation, but you cannot live in exactly the same way your parents did.
Expert Fulani: But with religion it is different. Religion is our identity. It binds us together and makes us one. It dictates our education, marriages, laws and culture. It is the one thing that can never be compromised.


Me: I understand that being a Muslim is more than just a religion to you. But to say being a Muslim is the only authentic Fulani identity denies the ability of our culture to transcend religion, location and occupation.
Expert Fulani: I don't care to listen to what you're saying. Your western way of thinking has corrupted your view of your ethnicity. We are nothing without Islam. You are nothing without Islam. Christians are known for their wishy-washy religion, but for us Islam is the bedrock of our being and we will never become apostates. You should be ashamed of yourself.
Me: Well I am not. I am in a country that protects freedom of religion and freedom of speech. I may have remained a Muslim if I lived in Kaduna, but then I would not have extended my education, become a Journalist or expanded my knowledge of the world through reading, traveling and interacting with different people. The only shame here is that you believe that a people as noble, hospitable and beautiful as the Fulanis should remain so intolerant of other faiths. I always wonder at those that turn religion - an abstract, subjective thing - into an instrument of fear, hate and condemnation that weighs down, divides and ignores civility and simple humanity when it should transcend petty prejudices.
Expert Fulani: You're just being dramatic. That's not the issue here...
Me: Religious intolerance is exactly the issue here. I don't need your approval to embrace my ethnicity, and I suggest you leave judgements about the rightness of my beliefs to God.
Expert Fulani: Hm, may Allah lead you back to the truth
Me: And may the truth set you free.